Love Letter to Nantosuelta

Beloved Goddess,

Your name means winding stream... You are the giver of life and I adore you! 

My memories carry me to the past; so long ago. They remind me of the times I spent with you when I was just a little girl. Removing my socks and shoes I would let my feet feel the way you danced over the smooth rocks. I sat there alone at the end of my street, under the shade trees with you for hours on hot, summer days. You kept the most charming company - dragonflies, frogs and tadpoles, butterflies, birds, and flowers. I loved the way you sang to us and told your ancient stories...

One summer, you even witnessed my first kiss. Remember? I was standing within sight of you when that tall, dark-haired boy from 5th grade confidently walked over to me  and asked me to go steady with him. I didn't really know what that meant, but as he took off his silver ID bracelet, (his name engraved on it) and fastened it around my wrist. It was too big, but I liked it and him, and said I would. But, unexpectedly, he grabbed hold of my braids and sweetly pulled my face to his. Before I knew what was happening, he was kissing me.

In a flash I felt so much at once: 

• happy
• almost disbelieving - he liked me !
• grown up- my first kiss! 
• afraid- my 3rd grade innocence knew nothing of kissing or boy/girl intimacy. 
• What happens next?!  

As soon as I registered the warmth of his mouth on mine, I pulled away from him and ran to you- But just as quickly, cut my bare foot on a sharp rock! I cried, and it bled. He tried to comfort me, but I felt shy. The boys that lived across the street from me were also witness, and came to my rescue. They carried me home so dirt wouldn't get in the wound. (7 stitches later, Mama noticed the bracelet. She did not approve. The next day, I had to give it back...)

In this day-dreamy state of mind, I wonder whatever happened to that boy and the man he became... I imagine a sturdy little boat, one in which I could fill with down comforters, soft pillows and a throw: A bed to hold us as we float down the slow flowing river of time past. I wish we could lay in it together, and watch the stars in the deep purple heavens smile down upon us.

After so many years and a missed opportunity - I long to bathe in your cool, clear waters; to refresh and heal my mind, body and soul. Yet, it's not yet the season for skinny dipping in nature, so turn on the water to fill the bath, envisioning your energy and essence in the streaming warm water. The fragrance of herbs from the handful of sweet mint leaves, thyme and bay leaves tossed lift in the steam and fill the air. A thick white towel and a big bar of handmade soap (vanilla and patchouli) await my use.

As I slip out of my clothing, I gaze in the mirror and send loving thoughts to my sixty year old body. Though there are parts that I still look at with a frown, I sincerely say: Thank you and I love you! I envision my body as the body of a Goddess! It is after all, 70% water - 70% you, Goddess! As I slip into the water to commune with you, I pray: May these words of love and my ritual of self care transform me, my self-image of my body. May I awaken some day and actually see you! Nantosuelta, please remove all the negativity I hold within my body and restore its vitality and suppleness. Bless me, and help me to erase the years of neglect, hate and shame I needlessly carry. Show me how to let go and become one with you - that I may flow gracefully into old age without regret. 

Thank you.

-Yours devotedly