Love Letter to the Lady of Regla

Beloved Goddess, 

Mother of Fishes, how kind you are! 

…Keeping safe the secrets of a little girl. 

You and the moon were quiet witness to every wish I ever made upon bright and twinkling stars. Forever, it seemed, I was drawn to her soft light and gentle ways- Somehow you knew, and honored my unspoken longing to learn the hidden mysteries of Grandmother Moon. You were the first to teach me lunar magick! How patient you were with me. Revealing her many faces and every charming aspect. You showed me where her magick lived in me; where my body housed eleven her moon centers. 

Do you remember that day at the lake when I first started bleeding? I wasn't allowed to swim... But you stayed with me at the waters edge as I told you my wild adventures from the night before. That was the dream in which I swam with you and the fishes in the morning, then danced across the black sky like the full moon all evening. You listened to every word. Though, I left unsaid that I thought you were breathtakingly beautiful underwater; and how I wished that I could have stayed with you there- Why do good things have to end? I have forgotten most of the dream, but I never forgot you. I can see you still... Like pearls your eyes shimmered luminous and your skin was just as milky white as as the moon! Just like mine! Ooh1 How I secretly wished you were my mother.

I was painfully shy as a little girl, yet you never pressed me to speak of embarrassing or hurtful things, nor did you take offense when I was too afraid to ask anything personal or meaningful of you. 

And, though all of my friends preferred the company of the sun, I preferred only you, and the moon! 

She was ever changing, and you were of another realm, but regardless, you two were my favorite and constant companions. 

Sol was just too harsh; always causing hot tears to fall from my eyes (I never saw his face) and frown lines to forever scar my brow. Needlessly. I never understood why he was so cruel to a sweet, fair skin, pale eyed girl. It hurt and I cried whenever he burnt my nose or shoulders... 

But you were so nice. Giving me reason to smile- silver trinkets, little surprize gifts, the reprieve of a daydream. When too hot, you'd playfully splash cool water at me and make me laugh with delight! 

Often, as I sat beneath that old shade tree reading countless books, you'd splash your heavy tail against the still waters of my mind to distract me, to capture my attention. We'd talk for hours, me sharing secrets - you sharing snippets of deep wisdom. We even had the same favorite colour- blue! Remember?

Devoted to my protection you watched over me. Whenever I felt misunderstood or lonely, you would speak and act in such loving ways. Enchanted! I can still hear you voice: 

Dance in the summer rain! Don't give up hope. Dive deep. You have depths you haven't yet explored! Don't remain silent. Dream big! Don't be afraid. Develop your talents. Dare to be authentically you!

You were always encouraging me to play and be as wild and fertile as my heart and body were born to be! I wish I could have followed your advice to be true to myself... but I was too insecure and broken for that! I didn't even know who I was. I didn't think that I had any value or anything worth saying! 

To this day, I still follow your advice and wear pale blue when I want to boost my confidence, especially whenever I must have a difficult conversation. I always decorate my bedroom with touches of blue to calm my spirit and make me feel happy. 

From twelve to fifteen, when I needed extra care, you graciously became my dearest friend. During that time, my family life was in almost constant discord. I craved blue! I wanted and needed to surround myself in its sea of tranquility.  

After mother got remarried, we moved to a new house. She asked me choose fabric for my bedroom drapes and bedspread. Yet, she said no to every swatch I chose! She refused to let me have even a hint of blue! It was a shock and a extreme disappointment the day I came home from school to find that she had chosen for me! A black and cream stripe pattern with little red and yellow flowers. Her favorite colours! Not mine.

That was a long time ago... 

We were kindred souls, you and I. 

But, shortly after I turned sixteen, I left home. Never to return. And, sadly, I never saw you, again.

Sometimes I ask about you... Others mention knowing you, but, they don't. Not really- not the way I did, because they mistake you for Yemaja, the Lady of Regla. 

We were never properly introduced, nor did I ever ask for your name! I find that strange, now, and a little sad. But Goddess, though I don't know how, I just know that's not your name! I think I heard your lover call you Suvannamaccha. Or maybe, Ramayana. I was so young, I cannot recall... Which is it?

Please find me. Tell me your true name. Let me hear your sweet voice... I would love to see you, again. I still love you. Let me befriend you, this time. 

Thank you.

-Yours devotedly